bumblebee fly away..

so you know when you're upset about something.. but you're not upset about it at the same time?!  like, you know something is for the best, but it still stings a bit.  that's where i'm at right now.  i was sort of seeing this guy for the last few months.  and by sort of i mean it was technically a friends with benefits set up.  but i guess i screwed up somewhere along the line bc i really started to like him.  i didn't want a relationship and neither did he, so it was working out great.  it got to the point where even though neither of us wanted a serious relationship.. i still wanted to know that he actually liked me.  i wanted to know that he actually gave a shit.  don't get me wrong.. i'm not the type of girl that needs to be showered with affection, but every once in a while wouldn't hurt.  i think everyone needs that sense of security.  the funny thing about the whole situation is that when i think about it, we really didn't have any chemistry.  and i think we both knew it.  he just figured it out before i did.  i think i liked the idea of him so much that i ignored all the signs.  when something didn't go as i had hoped, i would make excuses.  i began lying to myself.  tricking myself into believing something was there that wasn't.  a couple of days ago i decided to open my eyes.  i realized that i was becoming someone i don't know and definitely never thought i'd be.  i decided to free myself from myself.  so like i said: i know this is for the best.. but it still stings a bit.