Thursday, October 28, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
So I lost my best friend. He didn't die or disappear though, we just weren't seeing eye to eye. I feel like I'm going through a terrible break up. My eyes are red, puffy and burning like hell. I haven't slept or eaten anything in over two days. I'm basically living off of a daily multi vitamin and gatorade, taking 5 hours a day off from crying to go to work. Every story I hear and song on the radio reminds me of him and I think I'm going insane. Just to rewind for you.. We decided that we shouldn't date each other because we didn't want to ruin our amazing friendship. As it turns out.. I think not dating caused much more damage. "To date or not to date" became the big question, and I suppose discussing it actually tore us apart. I think a tiny part of us both wanted to be together. But instead we ran like hell in the opposite direction because we were scared. Scared of what exactly? Changing. Becoming people we don't know or care to be for that matter. But maybe we would have found out how effortless a relationship could be rather than analyzing every detail like a business proposition. Perhaps I'm just not ready. You see, he's not the kind of guy that I'd want to date right now. And it's not because I don't love him, because I do. It's just that he's the kind of guy that I'd rather date in the future.. because I don't think I'd ever want to stop dating him. At this point it doesn't even matter what would have happened though, because somehow I still ended up with a bleeding heart.
They say the best relationships stem from friendship. Well I'm calling their bluff. My heart hurts so bad and I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think anymore or what to make of all this. My head is a mess. I just want things to go back to normal. I just want my friend back. No dating. No bullshit. Just me and him.. the way we were.